Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
