mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
