There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
