i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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