last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
