I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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