how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
