she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
