he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
