My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
