My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
