You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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