I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
