i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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