i wish my penis had a tongue
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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