Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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