Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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