I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
