Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
