I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
