He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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