Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
