i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
