So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
