id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
