just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
