Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You took a bar mat shot.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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