i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
