I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
