If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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