we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
