chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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