I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
