Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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