I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
