no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
