I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
smell my finger.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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