in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
