I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
