It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
