She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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