You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
