I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
