I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
