then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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