The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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