You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
