i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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