let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
