life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
