i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
