I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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