I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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