We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
