Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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