My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
