If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
