The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
