I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
