my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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