This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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