I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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