Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
