I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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